This essay is based on a conversation with Ruth Furman. It has been edited for length and clarity.
At 57, I am still working as my own director public relations and digital communications firm while my husband, Michael, is retired. Intentional communication and flexibility have helped us navigate the dynamics of our relationship.
In 2001, I was laid off from a consulting position after the company was restructured. Considering I once believed I would be with that company forever, I took it upon myself to be fired. I received offers from other companies after I was laid off, but I knew none of them would provide the flexibility or sense of excitement I was looking for in my career.
I took my career into my own hands
Shortly after I was laid off, I decided to take the plunge and start my own business, ImageWords Communications. Even without going to business school, I knew I could do it. It took some hustle, but after landing my first client, my company has grown organically over the years.
Michael and I just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. We met in 1997 after being set up by his cousin and a friend of mine. At that time, Michael was already living in Las Vegas, where we live now, while I was living in Chicago. Before we met in person, we communicated via email and phone calls. Then I flew to Las Vegas for work and we had a whirlwind first date weekend.
Earlier in his career, Michael worked on Wall Street, but in 2019, he retired from a sports book job at a Las Vegas-based casino.
Although Michael, who just turned 70, will soon have Social Securitywe planned for his retirement by determining the minimum amount of money my business needed to earn to maintain our lifestyle without his income.
Although Michael decided he would retire about 18 months before he did, it came quickly.
I love my job and I love mentoring young people
I really enjoy the work I do in my business and giving back to young people through mentoring, which I do through and outside of my business. I have often advised him college studentsgave presentations and occasionally hired students to help with special projects. I also mentor laid-off people, as is often the case in the media industry. While I’ve always wanted to have children, I don’t have children of my own, but serving as a mentor to young people in business not only brings me immense joy, but also nurtures me.
What I love about my stream work lifestyle is flexibility. The ability to work from anywhere allowed me to spend seven months working remotely in Indiana, helping my mother before her death.
We have different schedules and communication is important
But watches can be a bit all over the place sometimes; I often wake up around 4:15am and work across multiple time zones to keep up with clients. Michael’s schedule is much more structured. Michael usually spends his weekdays chasing SCHOLARSHIPS through podcasts and television as it’s something he likes to do, and also wants to manage our investments.
He too takes a walk with his sister, who lives near us, every morning. My schedule not only affects my ability to spend time with Michael, but also with other family and friends. But he has been very understanding of my schedule and I try to make sure I take breaks with him during the work day. If I can take a break at 3.30pm, we have an afternoon coffee together.
Prioritizing it COMMUNICATION and flexibility has helped us navigate a dynamic relationship. Although he retired five years ago, I’ve only recently gotten better at communicating with him about my work schedule, so it takes time. For example, there might be a situation where he’s watching a TV show about the stock market on a day when I’m working from home and the volume will be too loud.
Instead of assuming he knows I’m working, I’ll go into a quiet room and close the door. Or if he asks me a question while I’m in the middle of something or tries to get my attention, we’ve developed some hand signals so he knows I’m working.
When Michael originally retiredI fell into the trap of thinking, “Oh, you’re retired, of course, you’re going to do some errands instead of saying I’m working, would you be willing to do that errand?” for example.
Regarding houseworkwe have learned that each of us gravitates towards what we are good at. Not only am I not good at emptying or loading the dishwasher, I also hate doing it, so it’s usually Michael’s domain. If I can find the time, I will take care of it. But we also like to do errands together, such as grocery shopping.
Even in my 50s, I’m not ready to retirebut I want to live my life as if I’m semi-retired, prioritizing my personal life and hiring as much help as I need to meet my client commitments in order to do so.
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